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Pet of my loving wife

FLR Marriage (FLR part started in 2019). A 9 to 5 life, yet almost full time FemDom. All kind of FemDom stuff. No cuckold, no hotwife. She still loves me. And lots of vanilla too. My loving mistress wife asked me to start this one. This is my journal. I'll write the backstory some other day. And a lot of reposts.

wifepet

About Female-Led Relationships

DEFINITION

Female-Led Relationships come in many forms and shapes. In many plain-vanilla relationships, the women end up deciding most matters as a consequence of their personalities, but these relationships don’t include any kink or formal recognition of the skewed power balance. On the other side of the spectrum you have so-called female supremacists, who feel that all females are superior to all males and rig their relationships accordingly.

This site is about something in between those two, but quite a lot closer to the first type. More specifically, I will concentrate on the type of relationship that has some of the following qualities:

  • The female is the head of the household and makes most of the day-to-day decisions
  • The needs of the female come first, and any selfishness on her part is tolerated and even encouraged
  • There is an expressed recognition of the female’s position as head of the household, it’s not just “how we do things”
  • The male is expected to pamper and satisfy the female in many different ways
  • The male’s sexual drive is harnessed and controlled as the main source of motivation
  • There is typically a certain amount of kink involved, but no more than the female is comfortable with
  • Everything is consensual and the end-goal is to improve the life quality of both parties

As you can see there are many advantages for women who embrace this life, and there is very little effort required of you to enjoy all these benefits.

WHY DOES THE FEMALE WANT A FLR?

Let’s list a few of the benefits that a FLR can provide for the female:

  • A very pleasant life, with endless pampering and indulgences
  • No more power-struggles in the home
  • Less arguing in general, and especially around domestic work
  • Improved sex life, both in terms of quantity and quality
  • The ability to shape the behavior of the male more to your liking
  • More financial freedom, if you choose to incorporate money in the FLR

I could continue, but the bottom line is that a female who takes advantage of the many, many benefits a FLR can offer, can lead a very pleasant and fulfilled life, with an attentive and generous partner who is always eager to please. What’s not to like?

WHY DOES THE MALE WANT A FLR?

While it is easy to see why the woman would want such a life, it can seem puzzling that any man would want it. In fact, most women are introduced to the idea of a Female-Led Relationship by their husband/partner, which on the face of it seems even stranger.

I am no psychologist, but after living this life for many years I have come to see it from my husband’s perspective, and it actually makes perfect sense. Here are some of the benefits to the male in a FLR:

  • Offers a simple and easy-to-understand (if demanding) home-life
  • No more power-struggles, less arguing
  • A closer, more loving relationship with his partner
  • A fulfilling and rewarding sex life, less pressure to be assertive in bed
  • Increased sex drive, heightened energy level
  • More kink

As you can see, a lot of the benefits are shared with the female, just from the opposite perspective. In general, an FLR is more physically demanding on a male than a plain-vanilla relationship, but a lot less mentally draining. It also provides an outlet for certain personality traits and fantasies that are typically frowned-upon for males in the western world. This is especially important for executives, entrepreneurs and others who are normally in a stressful position of power.

WHAT’S THE CATCH?

Given the huge number of benefits that a FLR can offer a couple, there are remarkably few drawbacks. But there are some things you as the female needs to be aware of. For example, you will have some responsibilities:

  • Actually make a lot of the household decisions
  • Follow up on any rules and limitations you decide for your male
  • Come up with some sexually charged activities that you wouldn’t mind doing on a near-daily basis

Most women find these responsibilities to be well worth it.

There are also a couple of potential drawbacks that can be difficult to mitigate:

  • You may need to adjust your sexual preferences slightly
  • You may find a servile/submissive male less interesting and attractive than a dominant/assertive one

Of these, I consider the last one to be the only possibly valid reason to actively avoid an FLR, so let’s discuss it in some detail. Some women just can’t stand to be around men who aren’t dominant and assertive, or at least they aren’t attracted to such men. If this is you, and he has brought up the topic of FLR, then have a good talk with him and tell him that it’s best to just forget the whole thing and get back to being macho. Don’t give him a hard time for wanting to try something new.

If, however, you have a more nuanced attitude and are at least somewhat open to seeing a new side of your partner, there are a few things you should consider before making a decision based on this perceived drawback:

  • What he’s suggesting is mostly a playful sexual arrangement, designed to make your sex life and home life simpler and more enjoyable for both of you - it’s not like he’s a different person all of a sudden. He is still the same wonderful man you fell in love with, you’re just seeing a new side of him.
  • Men who have the courage to broach this subject tend to have high self-esteem and the fact that they aren’t afraid to play with gender roles in a controlled setting typically means they are very confident about their manliness.
  • This whole arrangement is (as you’ll learn in a later article) predicated on harnessing his deep love and desire for the female body, yours in particular. Compare and contrast to blustering machismos and their insecurities.
  • Submissive tendencies are quite common among some of the world’s most powerful men, suggesting that the traditional alpha/beta model of masculinity is overly simplistic.
  • You can keep this part of him entirely to yourself - have him be as assertive as you like in public and at work.
  • In fact, you can even have him increase his assertiveness and manliness towards others - remember, you decide now.
  • It can be quite exciting to know that an outwardly macho man answers to your every wink when it’s just the two of you.

Ultimately, you’ll have to decide for yourself. Just know that the lack of an open mind here can be what stands between you and endless benefits. I, for one, haven’t regretted it for a second, and I love my husband more than ever.

***

OK, now that we have defined key concepts and talked a little about possible challenges, let’s look closer at your role in this new version of your relationship.





The Female’s role

Now that you understand what an FLR is and have hopefully decided that you are interested in exploring this further, let’s dive a little deeper and see what your role will be.

IN THE BEGINNING

Let’s assume that you are just starting out and are a little unsure about how to behave, you don’t quite know what your man expects from you, and you are just generally not quite comfortable in your new role. That’s totally understandable. The first thing I want to tell you is that you don’t need to change anything about yourself or your demeanor before you are ready. Take it slow and build up your understanding of what this life can mean to you and to your partner, and then grow gradually into your new role.

The main mental switch you need to make is to start thinking about things in terms of what you want. This may be quite a big change for you, and it might feel uncomfortable in the beginning, but that’s just because you are a considerate person who doesn’t want to be selfish and mean. It’s a perfectly reasonable reaction. However, what you need to realize is that behaving in a selfish manner is exactly what your (properly motivated) man wants. He wants you to be demanding, to put yourself first, and to consider his preferences last, if at all. So the more you put your own needs first, the happier he gets.

Another change you can make rather early is to be more honest about your mood. If you’re feeling a little bitchy some days, don’t be shy about taking it out on your man. I’m not saying you should be outright mean or completely unreasonable, but he will actually appreciate a certain level of unfairness from you. Most women in FLR relationships really enjoy this part - being able to vent a little without starting an argument is one of the things that makes the home-life so much more pleasant for everyone.

(By the way, if you have children, I trust you’ll use your best judgment and shield them from stuff they aren’t supposed to see. To improve readability I generally write as if you and your partner are always alone and free to act in any way you please, but the reality isn’t always so simple.)

QUEEN TIME

The real fun starts when you become more comfortable in your new role, and you realize that this is for real. Time to discover your inner Queen! We’ll go into more details in the next few articles, but now is the time to assert your new power:

  • Start making decisions that affect both of you. You can start small, like what to watch on TV, what to have for dinner, and take it from there. Before you know it it will feel entirely natural to make most decisions.
  • Become more demanding. Let him know what you expect and tell him when he doesn’t perform according to your expectations. Introduce subtle corrective behavior for repeated infractions.
  • Enjoy having a servant. Don’t fetch (or even pour) your own wine anymore, don’t make your own sandwiches, don’t clear your own plate after dinner. These changes are mostly symbolic, but you quickly get used to being pampered in this department too.
  • Make some changes in the bedroom. Shift the focus to your pleasure and tell him exactly what you like.

These are just ideas and you should find your own way, of course, but the point is that you should start enjoying your new power. There is nothing he wants more than for you to start exploring the possibilities.

TAKING IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL

Once you’re secure in your new role and confident that he is actually happy with this arrangement, you can relax even more and really start designing your new life. Give him rules to live by, have him do the housework, have him give you the money he earns, make sex totally about you. The sky’s the limit. We’ll explore this in more detail later.

RESPONSIBILITIES AND POTENTIAL ISSUES

There’s a lot of positive things about FLRs, but they come with certain responsibilities and things to keep in mind. 

A highly motivated man will be wary of raising objections, even when there is good reason to, so you need to be responsible and consider things from his perspective all the time. He does want you to be in charge and be selfish and all that, but that’s on a deep level, so in the heat of the moment he may whimper, complain and beg as part of the dynamics of your relationship, and it’s your responsibility to differentiate between what’s a real objection and what’s part of the game. He wants you to be forceful and demanding, and a natural consequence of you making the decisions (which he wants on a deep level) is that there will be decisions that he dislikes (on a more superficial level). It can be hard to know the difference at times. It helps to talk constantly, know each other well and be respectful of each other.

You also need to use sound judgement when it comes to giving him timeouts. It can be overwhelming to be expected to do so much for another person, with so little (visible) in return, so he may feel the need for an occasional timeout. I recommend that you mostly grant him these. If he signals that he needs timeouts too often for your liking it may be a sign that something is wrong anyway, in which case it is certainly not a good idea to just carry on. Take a break and talk about it. Maybe the whole FLR thing was an exciting fantasy for him, and it didn’t work out so well in real life. It happens.

Mostly, an intelligent and sensitive women can navigate these waters just fine. It’s just something to be aware of and keep in mind as you continue to push him harder.

***

I hope you now have a decent grasp of your role. Let’s take a look at the male’s role too.



The Male’s role

The male has it pretty easy in a FLR: Do as you’re told. No, I’m joking, but there is some truth to this, and it’s a big part of the attraction. Not having to make decisions, having simple rules to follow, no pressure to be assertive etc. are all major positive factors. Of course, the male is also expected to do a whole lot of work, to always be ready to pamper his woman and to give up many pleasurable things, so it’s a mixed bag. But with proper motivation, these sacrifices become a source of pleasure in themselves, and most males in successful FLRs are very happy campers.

I’ll keep this article pretty short, because in many ways the male’s role is the opposite of the female’s role, which I have described in some detail in a previous article.

IN THE BEGINNING

When you’re just getting started, and you haven’t quite found your footing yet, the male should focus on boosting your confidence and helping you become comfortable. He should be extra careful about challenging or making light of your attempts at becoming a more dominant woman. He should instead try to gently guide you where he feels that you could benefit from some input, to react “in character” even if he finds a situation slightly amusing, and to change his own demeanor to be less assertive.

Above all he should take every opportunity to show you how pleasant this new life can be. He should let you make more decisions, ask to do more housework, focus more on your pleasure in bed, start pampering you in everyday situations and so on. Eventually, you will demand that he does this and much more, but in the beginning, before you are comfortable even asking him to do them, he should go out of his way to do them without you having to ask. This will get you into the right mindset early on.

AFTER A WHILE

Once you are more comfortable making decisions and have taken charge in the relationship, he should shift his focus to making your life as pleasant as possible. He’ll certainly have rules to follow and expectations to meet, but in addition to that he should start having your well-being front and center of his mind at all times. Proper motivation plays a big role here, and that’s your responsibility, but if you play your cards right he’ll be thinking about you all the time, and how he can make your life better.

Here are some examples of things he should do continously, all on his own:

  • Learn what you like - in every aspect of life
  • Work on perfecting his execution of every task you give him
  • Suggest new activities that he thinks you may enjoy
  • Surprise you - gifts, trips, cultural experiences etc.

The common thread is of course that all of this will make your life more pleasant and enjoyable. It really is quite simple.

RESPONSIBILITIES

His responsibilities are simpler than yours - remember, that’s a big part of the appeal. For sure, he will be expected to do more than you, but I’m talking more about things like making difficult decisions, judging real objections vs. playful objections, enforcing rules and enacting corrective behavior. Those are taken care of by you.

However, it is his responsibility to talk to you about any issues he might be having. And he needs to be an adult about having bad days. Sure, he can ask for a timeout every now and then, but depending on his personality there can be plenty of bad days when it would be pleasant to go back to the old way, and he can’t keep asking for timeouts all the time. Either he is interested in a Female-Led Relationship, and does his part to make it work on less inspired days too, or he should just talk to you about ending it.

***

I’ve focused quite a bit on responsibilities and possible issues, because I think they’re important to know about, but that’s not what a FLR is mostly about - it’s mostly a very harmonious and enjoyable thing, for both parties. So let’s move on to the fun stuff and talk about ways that he should pamper you.



Pampering

One of the most enjoyable aspects of FLRs is that you’ll be pampered beyond your wildest dreams. Most women are lucky if they get the occasional pampering, for example on romantic getaways, or if their husband is feeling particularly guilty about something, or trying to get sex, but you can have it all day, every day - without offering anything in return.

In later articles you’ll learn about Body Worship, detailing the many ways that he can pamper your body, so to speak. We’ll also discuss sex in more detail, which is another intimate and wildly enjoyable way that he can pamper you. Doing the housework can also be viewed as a form of pampering, and we’ll discuss that too in a separate article. In this article we’ll focus on smaller, more subtle ways of pampering you.

PRINCIPLES

The most important change to make is to get rid of your inhibitions and reservations. As liberal and modern women we have sort of exchanged old-fashioned chivalry and pampering for equal rights, equal pay and all the other wonderful achievements of the feminist movement. It’s an exchange that’s well worth doing. But in a FLR there’s no reason you can’t have both. In fact you really should.

So from now on, try to always think about what would be most pleasant to you. Would you prefer that he carry your shopping bags or carry them yourself? Would you like it if he made you a sandwich and poured you some wine or would you prefer to do it yourself?

IN THE HOUSE

Once you start thinking about it there are countless ways that he can pamper you in your own house. If you’re in the proper mindset you’ll hardly need me to help you come up with examples, but let’s list a small sample of things he should do for you, just for the fun of it:

  • Keep the house stocked with fresh flowers
  • Buy, fetch and pour wine for you
  • Let you sleep in on the weekends and days off
  • Give you breakfast in bed on the weekends, with your favorite ingredients and that day’s newspaper
  • Make you sandwiches, salads and other things you like
  • Make you coffee or tea whenever you want it
  • Rub your feet or neck while you are watching television
  • Take the kids out if you want to relax
  • Walk the dog, unless you feel like a nice walk
  • Clean your plate after dinner

I could continue for a long time…

OUT AND ABOUT

Similarly, you should become conscious of all the little things he can do for you when you’re out shopping, on trips, visiting friends etc.

  • Bring him along so he can pay and carry your bags when you’re out shopping
  • Hold open the door when you enter a restaurant or a store
  • Pull out your chair and help you get seated at restaurants
  • Carry suitcases and bags whenever you are on the move
  • Drive you to and from places, if you don’t feel like doing it yourself
  • Open the car door for you
  • Bring and return clothes while you are in the changing room at a store
  • Let you have the best seat

Again, there is practically no limit to the small ways he can pamper you while out and about.

GIFTS, TRIPS AND TREATS

You should get used to receiving gifts and surprises on a regular basis:

  • Flowers
  • Jewelry
  • Spa treatments
  • Professional massages
  • Trips to destinations that you like
  • Cultural experiences
  • Dining at fine restaurants

***

I hope you now have a good understanding of all the ways you can be pampered in your day-to-day life. And that’s not even counting body worship, sex and housework. Let’s learn what body worship is all about.




Body Worship

If he doesn’t already, your man will soon start viewing your body as his temple. Imperfect as you may feel it is, a properly motivated male will want to worship every inch of it and consider himself lucky to be allowed any contact with it. This is one of the defining characteristics of a FLR, and it’s something you should take advantage of at every opportunity.

Your first step should be to put yourself in his place, and realize that your body is now a delicious smorgasboard where different parts are better than others, depending on what type of man he is. Your pussy is the holy grail, then comes your ass, then your breasts, your thighs, etc. - you get the picture. Maybe the order is a little different for your man, but the general idea holds true for most teased and denied men. Then there are some special areas that hold a special psychological significance which can be powerful kink triggers - your feet, asshole, armpits etc. Once you’re comfortable in your new role, you should try not to be shy about using these parts of your anatomy to your advantage too. Trust me, he will love it.

But we’re getting ahead of ourselves. Let’s start with the basics and leave sex out of it for now. If there is anything non-sexual that you (would) enjoy him doing to your body, then go to town. Here are a few suggestions:

  • Giving you massages of all kinds, several times a day
  • Applying lotions, oils and other products to some part of your body
  • Giving you pedicures or manicures (remember, he can be trained)
  • Washing and caring for your hair

Some women also enjoy things like being bathed, being dried and waited on hand and foot while enjoying such activities. Do what feels right for you, and don’t feel obligated to indulge his need for physical contact if you’re not in the mood.

Moving on to more sensous, sexual and plain kinky types of body worship, there is ample room to get creative. If you’ve denied and teased him properly, he will relish this type of play. Have him give you sensous body massages, have him please you orally whenever you feel like it, or tease him with something more humiliating like licking your feet or asshole. I find these activities are especially rewarding for him when it is clear that you are just using him as a tool, for secondary entertainment. For example, put his mouth between your legs while you are watching your favourite TV show. Have him suck your toes while you are on the phone or reading a book. Get creative. These activities should be pleasant or neutral to you, and should require no effort from you. It’s a cheap way of giving him a treat.

As a side note, you should also use your new freedoms (more time, more money, an encouraging man) to perform your own body worship, and to pamper yourself. 

Upgrade your wardrobe, get regular manicures and pedicures, use high-quality lotions and hair products, purchase and wear lots of pretty underwear (and throw out anything that doesn’t look new-ish), keep your body in shape. All of these things will reinforce his feeling that you are a feminine goddess, worthy of every penny spent on products and treatments, not to mention his own neverending attention. Put simply, it will make you even more tempting to him and he’ll love the fact that you are being more self-sentered. Last, but not least, it’ll make you feel good.

***

Body worship is an integral and highly enjoyable part of most FLR relationships, but the benefits don’t stop there. Let’s look at how housework can become a thing of the past for you.





Domestic Work

The amazing thing about harnessing the man’s sexual energy is that it affects all aspects of his life, it isn’t confined to the bedroom. Would you believe me if I told you that your man can actually become aroused and thoroughly enjoy doing the lion’s share of the housework while you lounge on the couch? Oh, it’s true.

If he’s responding as expected to being teased and denied, he’ll start wanting to make your life more pleasant, in any way he can. And housework isn’t exactly a source of great pleasure for most women, so if you want you should use him for that too. There’s really not much to it, besides telling him what you expect from him. You just need to be a little smart about it.

Most men don’t particularly like housework either, so the key is to create a mental association between housework and the sex/kink part of the relationship. In the beginning, he is likely to feel this quite strongly just thinking about the fact that you are making him do the housework too, in addition to everything else he must do for you. How wildly unfair, in a totally arousing way! But the novelty wears off and if left to his own ruminations for too long without any positive reinforcement, he may start to feel that this is a negative part of the FLR. Luckily, it is easy to keep this interesting in the long term, too.

What you need to do is give him small reminders of the kinkyness/unfairness of the arrangement, so that the mental connection between sex/kink and housework becomes strong. Here are a few suggestions:

  • Verbally tease him about his role as a house maid (or whatever else gets him off)
  • Give surprise inspections and find something to be displeased about, but done in a sexy way
  • Squeeze his balls until he groans and tell him what a good little servant he is
  • While doing something visibly relaxing, like just lounging on the counch, have him interrupt his work to bring you a snack or a glass of wine

Some women also enjoy feminization, which may involve him doing the housework in a maid’s outfit. If that’s your thing, and you don’t have kids to hide it from, then go nuts. This will certainly be a powerful kink connection.

The other thing to be sensitive about when it comes to housework is that it can take a lot of time, so it doesn’t always work to have him do everything, all the time. It depends on what type of job he has and how demanding it is. If you’ve been smart, you’ve agreed that the FLR won’t influence any of your careers, at least not in a negative way, so you’ll have to use your best judgment when it comes to the amount of housework you can have him do. I recommend that you don’t force him to do everything just because you feel that it’s your right, if he for example has a demanding job. Start slow and have him do more and more until you sense that he can’t reasonably do more. Remember, you want him to be happy with this arrangement in the long run, so don’t overdo it.

***

Done correctly, this aspect of an FLR can be a huge boost to your life quality, and it will be a positive experience for him too. But there’s more!







Motivating the Male

In my opinion, the whole premise of a successful FLR relationship hinges on one aspect. If you take away just one thing from these pages, then let it be this: The single most important tool at your disposal to keep the male motivated is controlling his orgasms and erections.

In fact, the very idea of living in a relationship where he pampers you as much as I have described in previous articles, and forsakes so much for himself, probably came into his mind after an unusually long period of not orgasming, for whatever reason.

His desire to please you is closely linked with his sexual energy level. Taking control over your man’s orgasms may seem alien at first, so by all means ease into it, but it is imperative that you eventually get around to it. And don’t worry, your man will be happy to comply.

So what does controlling his orgasms mean? Well, it means that you should limit his orgasms to build up sexual energy, which should go hand in hand with near-daily sexually charged activities - a combination that is commonly known as tease and denial. These techniques ensure he is always on his best behavior, and eager to please and serve your needs. Let’s explore why this is the case.

A typical man who has just had a release isn’t interested in anything sexual. And make no mistake, his desire to please you is closely linked to sex. For every day that goes by without an orgasm, especially if you tease him on a regular basis, his sexual energy will build up and so will his motivation to please you. How long it will take for him to reach the level of servility that you like is individual, but when I experimented with this in the early days of our FLR relationship, I found that a 3-5 day “break” was often necessary to get him in the right frame of mind. After that, I gently eased him into serving my needs again. After a few days of doing that, he was ready for anything and wanted nothing more than to please me. And then it’s just a matter of deciding how long he needs to go before he is allowed a release.

So how long should he go? Again, this is highly individual. I recommend at least three weeks and no more than three months. Given that there is a build-up period, you’ll want a nice, long period of uninterrupted full-on servitude before he has another break. Of course, as you become more comfortable in your role as the decision-maker you probably don’t want to give him an actual break after he has his release. Maybe a few hours, but you should instill in him a feeling that his need for sexual tension to function properly is his problem, not yours.

TEASING/KEEPING UP THE PRESSURE

If you deny him orgasms, his pressure will build all of itself. But in the long run he may lose interest in the whole arrangement if you only deny him and use him to serve your needs, without making it sexually attractive to him. He’ll be (mostly) happy to be denied as long as his sexual tension is high, but being denied without any reminders of what it is he wants so badly is not a recipe for success. So this is where one of your “responsibilities” come into play. You need to keep him mentally stimulated, in addition to the sheer physical tension that comes from denying him.

The way to do this is to have some near-daily routine that plays to his desires and kinks. Part of this can come from, say, giving you a massage every night, provided that he gets to see some skin and touch you in some borderline interesting areas. But a much more powerful way to do it is to devise some activity that requires no effort from you, but plays directly to his kinks. For example, for years I have made my husband sit at the foot of the bed, and lick my feet and suck on my toes while I finish reading for the night. When I am done, he is allowed into the bed and can continue to please me more directly (almost always a body massage and often oral sex).

The point is that you should come up with something similar to keep your man interested from a purely kink/sex perspective. It shouldn’t provide him any direct satisfaction, and I’ve found it to be an advantage psychologically if it doesn’t seem to do much for you either, but it needs to be something you can do as part of a near-daily routine (so don’t pick something that you actively dislike or that requires any effort on your part).

Our particular routine makes my man rock hard and very sexually excited every night, so when he finally is allowed into bed his penis is struggling against his chastity device. Which brings me to…

CHASTITY DEVICES

Men are men and they will want to play with their penises, never mind their good intentions. So how do you enforce a ban on sexual releases? Even the most motivated man could easily have an “accident”. Well, some FLR couples do this using the honor system only, but I’d venture to say that a majority use a chastity device - we certainly do.

If you have read this far with a lingering fear in the back of your head that pursuing a FLR relationship will turn you into leather-clad sex maniacs with a bedroom full of whips and strange sexual toys, this might be where your warning lights go off. But fear not, this is the only piece of equipment that (in my opinion) is required, and it’s a very discreet one. Simply put, it’s a small plastic or metal cage that locks into place with a ring around his testicles, keeping his penis pointed downward and limited to a certain size (definitely not large enough for a proper erection). They can be worn 24/7 for longer periods of time, aren’t visible under clothes (if you take certain precautions), and come with a set of small keys that you should carry with you. Imagine that - his precious penis locked away, and you holding the keys.

If you are totally new to this, you might need a few minutes to process this. It may seem extreme, but really isn’t. It’s a tool that helps you help him. And if he’s like most men wanting to live in a FLR relationship, he can’t wait to start wearing it.

You won’t believe the combined effect that being denied, locked up, and teased can have on a man’s psyche. He will be aching to make you happy, in any small way he can. And the cage will be a constant reminder of your kinky arrangement, which he will (mostly) love. Not only do you have him do all these embarassing things for you, but he can’t even get a proper erection without your approval. Poor thing…

For you, it will feel quite nice knowing that you hold the keys to his most precious body part. Imagining him in a meeting with a bunch of blustering alpha men, with a locked penis hidden under his suit, that only you can unlock (and practically never do), might bring a smile to your face if you’re having a bad day at work.

Should you always keep him in his cage, unless you’re activaly making use of his penis? That’s up to you. Many do, others use it more as a training tool. I keep my man locked up most of the time, with the occasional day off - a handful every year.


PERIODIC RELEASES

You should provide him with periodic releases. In addition to being a nice gesture, there are some possible health issues. So let him have his release every so often, but I suggest that you don’t give him a fixed schedule or date. Better to keep him guessing and on his toes. And, depending on how sadistic you are, they don’t have to be particularly enjoyable to him. Look up “ruined orgasms”, for starters.


A NOTE ON ERECTIONS

Limiting your man’s orgasms will have a real, physiological impact on his arousal level, but the other great thing about the chastity device is that it makes it impossible for him to even get an erection without you unlocking him, which is a huge deal psychologically. To this day, I’m still not sure what the most important effect of the chastity device is: taking away his orgasms or taking away his erections.

Think about it – his whole adult life he has been used to being able to stroke and play with his penis whenever he has felt like it (and men feel like doing that a lot), deciding for himself whether to take it all the way to climax. For most men, this is second nature to them. They tug and twist and scratch and go from limp to erect and back again many times a day. It’s part of being a man.

Now all that is taken from him. He can’t give it a few nice tugs when he wakes up with a morning erection, he can’t play with it in the shower, and he can’t react to arousing stimuli like he has always enjoyed doing. So it’s a big change, that you might want to take some time implementing, but it’s one well worth doing – for both of you.

***

Enforcing orgasm control is essential to a healthy FLR relationship, and erection control can arguably be just as important. Chastity devices can be a really useful tool in those regards, but how does that affect your sex life?








Sex

Only the rarest of couples continue to have sex every day after several years of marriage/living together, maybe having kids, experiencing financial stress, having stressful jobs etc. The frequency of sex for plain-vanilla couples in this situation is often measured in weeks or months.

Wouldn’t it be nice to be one of those rare couples, though? Especially if the sex was entirely centered around your pleasure, night after night after night? That’s absolutely a possibility if you choose to pursue a FLR relationship with your man. People are different and not everybody is interested in sex every day, but how often you have sex now becomes entirely up to you and your mood.

Living in a FLR can improve your sex life so, so much. Remember, you are now living with a man who wants nothing more than to please you in every way he can. He’ll consider himself blessed if he is allowed to perform oral sex on you, even multiple times a day. Once in the evening, to help you sleep better, and once in the morning, to wake you up? Maybe another while you’re watching TV? No problem!

If you’re not that interested in oral sex that’s fine, of course - find something else you enjoy and have him do that to you whenever you feel like it. He’ll be happy to do it, whatever it is (since he is making you happy).

The main takeaway is that sex can become a very enjoyable and frequent part of your life.

PENETRATIVE SEX

Many women, myself included, love having penetrative sex. The feeling of being filled up, the friction, the motions - all of it. And now you are in this relationship where you can dictate how the man should pleasure you - how awesome, you should have him do you every night until you have come at least three times! Right? Well, not so fast.

If you have read the article on orgasm control, you’ll see why having (frequent) penetrative sex can be a bit of a challenge. For one, he will be ready to ejaculate in a matter of seconds or minutes, since he has typically been teased and denied for weeks at any given time. Second, you have hopefully followed my advice and locked his penis in a chastity device, so it isn’t readily available. So you’ll need to rethink this part a bit. Here are some thoughts.

The chastity device comes off easily enough, so that in itself is not a problem. Maybe there’s a short pause while you find the key and he fumbles to get out, but then he’ll be ready for whatever you want. So the issue there is mostly the pause - it may ruin the moment, if you are easily taken out of the state of mind that makes you want sex.

The other issue is trickier. Even after several years, I haven’t come up with a perfect solution that lets him fuck me for as long as I need without him reaching an orgasm. What we have ended up doing is simply replacing his penis, most of the time: I’ll have him use a strap-on on me, or dildos, vibrators and other toys. Once I got over the initial feeling that this isn’t as natural and nice as an actual penis, I have found it to be a blessing in disguise. I now get to choose exactly what size and shape he takes me with (his natural erect size leaves something to be desired), depending on my mood. And he never goes soft on me. Finally, it serves as free teasing and a powerful psychological reminder of our arrangement that he has to fuck me with a fake penis while his perfectly functional real penis is locked away and refused even to become erect.

Honestly, I now prefer to be taken with a nice, big strap-on than his average and somewhat unreliable penis. He still gets to participate and we go through all the motions that I enjoy - just for a lot longer than he would otherwise be able to. And when I am thoroughly satisfied, he is still there, eager to cuddle and please instead of immediately going to sleep as he would be if he was allowed to ejaculate.

***

There’s a lot to like about sex in an FLR, especially for you. But there’s more fun to be had! Let’s look at kink’s role in an FLR.







Kink

First, let’s define what we’re talking about. By “kink” I mean everything that is somehow related to sex and not considered mainstream. Something that might shock (at least superficially) your friends and family, to be a little facetious. Fetishes, BDSM, role-reversals - that sort of thing.

“Oh boy, here we go,” you may be thinking. “I’m not one of those people.” While this feeling is understandable, especially if you’re completely new to even thinking about such topics, I would advice you to keep an open mind, keep reading, and see if it grows on you. I was very skeptical, too, but have come to love this aspect of our relationship.

There’s a tiny chance that your man is not at all interested in anything kinky and just want to serve you from an entirely altruistic and non-sexual place. But most men who want to live in an FLR have a medium to strong interest in such things, and they probably hope for it to be an integral part of your relationship going forward. Which can be a good thing, trust me.

If you’re lucky, like I was, your man is quite flexible in terms of the types of kink he will enjoy, he mostly just wants something that is a little on the kinky side. That leaves a lot of room for you to find some things that you enjoy, or that excite you, or that you are at least comfortable with. Great, go with that!

If, on the other hand, your man has very specific kinks that you hate and won’t be satisfied unless you engage in them with him several times a week, then you may have a problem. If this is you then, honestly, I don’t know what to tell you - it may be difficult to make this work. It happens, and it’s not the end of the world. You might be better off going back to your old relationship.

Hopefully, you’ll eventually find that there is some common ground, and that you are at least a little bit interested in exploring this. So let’s look at some common kinks in FLR relationships. Now’s the time to put on your brave face if you’re the prudish type. It might help if I mention that we’re not at all into several of these kinks, but I still want to list the most common ones, so you aren’t totally unprepared if your man tells you he wants to wear your underwear.

CHASTITY PLAY

If you’ve read the article on orgasm control, and followed my advice about using a chastity device on your man, you’re already living the kink lifestyle. Congratulations! It may have seemed like a small step, but for many men it’s the one big thing they need. Sure, they’d like more kink in their life, but the chastity device goes a long way towards fulfilling them in this regard. Others desire more, of course.

FOOT WORSHIP

Activities involving the woman’s feet and the man’s mouth are very common in FLR relationships, even when neither the man or woman consider themselves foot fetishists. The reason is probably that it is such a powerful psychological reminder of the man’s new status. Not only has his traditional masculine power been stripped away, he is now reduced to a creature who has to lick feet and suck on toes. It also plays on the dirtyness of feet, the proximity to the floor relative to her Queen-like stature etc. As I’ve mentioned earlier, this is something we do on a daily basis, and I now have a hard time picturing my life without it.

QUEENING/FACE-SITTING

Queening and face-sitting are mostly the same thing, as far as I can tell. Both refer to the woman, sitting on the male’s face, often grinding her exposed pussy and ass into his face. The man is often asked to lick the pussy and/or ass while being queened, but not always - sometimes the mere sitting is the point. The woman often plays with the man’s nipples, penis and/or balls while queening him. Most FLR men find this activity comparable to going to heaven. We do it a lot.

FEMINIZATION

Some FLR men have fantasies related to being feminized, meaning “forced” to wear women’s underwear, wear make-up etc. This can be especially powerful when combined with other kink/FLR activities, like pegging, housework etc. Some women also enjoy this, especially if they are turned on by “turning the tables” when it comes to gender roles, whereas others hate it with a passion. It’s not something we practice.

SISSIFICATION

This literally refers to the man being treated as and called a sissy, in many different ways. It’s basically a play on his masculinity. The appeal is that it lets the man live out some very unmasculine sides, which can be a great relief, especially if he is expected to be very assertive and masculine in other areas. This type of play can seem very cruel and brutal to an onlooker, but is almost always done with a great deal of love and respect for each other. We dabble in it from time to time.

PEGGING/STRAP-ON PLAY

Pegging refers to the specific act of the woman performing anal sex on the male using a strap-on. The main other thing to do to the man with a strap-on is have him suck on it. Both activities are powerful forms of role-reversal, they let the woman explore the power that men have traditionally held as the one taking the woman, and they are also a play on his possibly hidden desire to be “forced” to have sex with other men. Most experienced FLR women would probably agree that it’s something you should do at least once, or occasionally, just so he knows what it’s like to be taken, and as a sort of “crossing the point of no return” in terms of being the straight-up assertive heterosexual that he once was. We do it from time to time.

BDSM

Also just called S&M or D/s. Most of the activities I have mentioned so far would fall under the BDSM umbrella, but it is very common to incorporate certain generic elements of BDSM in an FLR relationship, specifically sadism and masochism. One could argue that the whole arrangement is rooted in certain forms of sadism and masochism. Verbal “abuse”, inflicting (and enjoying) pain, master/slave-like roles - these are common elements in FLR relationships too.

***

This may have been a lot to absorb, and it’s important to stress that this has been a walk-through, not an enumeration of all the activities you are expected to engage in. The common thread in all these activities is that they play on gender roles, and that it can be therapeutic to do things that are a little out of the ordinary. They are mostly mind games, to put it another way. And the main takeaway should be that there are many potentially fun and rewarding activities that you can now explore at your own pace - if at all. A properly motivated man will most likely be up for anything. Let’s look at how you can incorporate some of these activities in training your male.






Training the Male

“Training” sounds like something you would do to a circus animal. “Conditioning” might be a better word. The point is that you now have some power to shape him into the man you would like him to be, and he would love the attention and the chance to improve himself. So let’s see how you can go about that.

The first step is to actually decide what kind of man you want him to be. There are several aspects to that question, of course. Physical appearance, FLR qualities, vanilla qualities and so on. Depending on what boundaries you have set for the FLR relationship, all of these may be shapable by you.

VANILLA QUALITIES

Let me give you a few examples of vanilla qualities that you can control. I have set a strict weight limit for my husband, which he is expected to never go above. I have also given him certain guidelines in terms of his appearance (style of clothing, hairstyle etc.) This may seem bizarre to some, but we both want it that way and it’s a great motivator for him. He was somewhat overweight before we started doing this, and had a lot of trouble losing weight, but as soon as we made it an FLR thing he found the motivation and energy he needed, and he has kept his weight limit ever since.

Similarly, I have instructed him to increase his assertiveness and masculinity when interacting with others. This serves two purposes. First, it creates a greater contrast between the man others see and the man I get to experience in private, which amuses me. Secondly, I simply don’t want him to be a servile/submissive man in his vanilla life. I like masculine, assertive men and I want to make sure that that side of him doesn’t gradually fade away. This is individual, of course - others enjoy displaying their submissive male.

FLR QUALITIES

You should definitely train him when it comes to FLR qualities. How attentive should he be, what shouldn’t he ever do or say, how much housework is he expected to do, and how should he do it? What do you like to be served when you get breakfast in bed? The sky is the limit, just don’t give him too many rules all at once, or he’ll have a hard time remembering them.

SEX/KINK QUALITIES

Also an area where you should definitely train him. What do you like, how do you like it, how long, what don’t you like? Turn him into a world class pussy licker, teach him to deep-throat your strap-on, teach him exactly how to lick your feet and suck your toes without tickling you. Again, there is no limit to what you can train him to do in this area.

HOW TO TRAIN HIM

OK, so we’ve established that there are lots of areas where you can train him, but how do you do it? There are plenty of tools at your disposal. Let’s list some of them, starting with some principles:

  • Try to be consistent. Don’t let him get away with something sometimes, and other times not.
  • Reward him.
  • Verbal feedback. Don’t be afraid to let him know when you’re disappointed in him, he will most likely thoroughly enjoy it at some level.
  • Keep him in chastity longer than usual. Don’t be afraid to add a few weeks every now and then if he doesn’t perform to your liking.
  • Deny him access to your body. This is extremely effective, and probably the cruelest punishment of all. Use sparingly.
  • Physical punishment. Unless you have specifically agreed to avoid this, you may want to punish him physically when the infraction calls for it. Keep it safe and don’t go overboard, especially in the beginning, but don’t be shy either.

***

This should give you some ideas and strategies to get the man of your (new) dreams. We are almost done with our whirlwind tour of FLR relationships, but please read on for some closing thoughts and pointers to further reading.

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